We Are Learning To:
create a picture in the reader's mind
What It'll Look Like:
~ appealing adjectives and strong verbs
~ effective openings to our writing
~ using the features of myths and legends to write our own
~ editing our own working to make improvements
Sentences starteds better than 'A long time ago'...
In the age of blood and corruption...
Introductions that provide clear visual images or set the scene:
As people walked through packed streets in Athens, they thought they were safe, but Humusara was haunting the streets. Click! Clack! Aaaaahh! Everyone turned their heads, but the scream started to fade. No-one really cared and carried on shopping.
Jackie, Goddess of Chaos
Many hundreds
of years ago, in the rabbit burrow of Owen, the mother rabbit was thinking.
“My family is
weak. I could do much better elsewhere. I must leave.” She said to herself.
“Jackie! You
must feed the children. They will not eat food gathered by me.” Cottontail said.
The rare albino hopped into Jackie’s room. Her little babies tripped over each
other for the food she’d collected. One child looked like Jackie. His speckled
fur as wild as the others in Owen burrow. He was called Whiskers. Four were
black, none could tell them apart, so everyone just called them Midnight. And
the slowest and weakest came last, Chocolate. She was born with an eye
infection so she couldn’t see out of her right eye. Cottontail was looking for
a cure but none could be found. Yet. Jackie sighed as she got the food out for
the kids. Cottontail looked happy so she jumped on him and bit the back of his
neck. She jumped off. It was bleeding. That’ll
keep him in his place. She thought to herself.
That night
Jackie, Cottontail, Whiskers, the four Midnights and Chocolate were snuggled up
in dried grass. Jackie woke up and silently hopped across the floor. She used
her paw with tiny fingers to write a message on the burrow wall.:
'Dearest
family, I am sorry. I’ve left food for the children under the other pile of
dried grass. Whiskers, you are my heir, all the burrows I have dug will be
yours. Midnights, you were not the most athletic children. But you were the
smartest. Cottontail will feed you. Accept his food. Chocolate, I don’t really
know you. Your eye has had a lot of effect on us. But stay strong. Cottontail,
I have gone to where my fortune will improve. Don’t follow me. But you will
still be my special rabbit. I love you all. Jackie.'
With that
Jackie prepared the food she had promised. Then she set off. She encountered
many troubles, cats, hunger, and rain but finally she made it. Tui Burrow. She
started as a rookie but ended as leader, but no rabbit can live forever. Even
at the height of her power she was chaotic, always picking to play with the
opponents minds; rather than physical. After Jackie’s death she arrived at the
doormat to the underworld. But with her chaotic mind she would not die that
easily. She looked around with her dark rabbit eyes and saw what no rabbit had
seen before. An air vent. She hopped into it and didn’t see a metal tunnel,
instead an open field. It had flowers, carrots, grass, cabbage and food she
hadn’t seen before. But something was wrong. It was deserted. Any field like
this would be filled with rabbits. She spun around; looking for the exit but it
had vanished. In its place was a long marble staircase. A ghostly rabbit hopped
down the stairs.
“Welcome Jackie. You are the first and only
rabbit to make it to the land of the gods. I am Althea, and you are now a god.
I crown you Jackie, goddess of Chaos. You will be immortal. But until you are
worshipped you will be pointless and just, fade away. It is your responsibility
to pass this message on to any other who make it to the land of the gods.”
THE END
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